Hello,

 

Well, I thought I would say Hi and I'll think of something to write later....yeah....yreah this is ty and she is \brain dead ri9ght now...lol..love youi babe

 

 

Can you believe I had a five generation family?

Well, I had a five generation family.  I had my grandma's aunt, her name was Grace Emerson who passed away this past Tuesday on Jan. 2.  She was a really cool person who did not drink pop.  She like to exercise a lot.  Then, there is my grandma, who really depended on my great-grandma for guidance and wisdom since her little sister passed away, and my grandma a couple of years before that.  My grandma really looked up to her for many things.  Then, there is my mom, me, and my nephew, Calup, who is Nana's son.  He is going to be a year in July.  Cute little boy!

I would just like to say, Thank you grandma grace for everything you've done for me and my family.  She was a medicine woman who was respected.  I just thought I would write that. 

 

Thank you.

 

~BINX~

Hello,

I thought I would write something and say "HELLO" to you all.  Happy New Year and Merry X-mas!  I had a great NEW year... I spent it with Steph and her boyfriend Evan-Daryl!  It was great.  We have been heading to Albs these past three weekends.  It was great, we spent X-mas in albs and New Years as well.  I've been spending time with a few friends.  Lately, things haven't gone to well for me and my family, but I'm still kicking and screaming!  ha ha ha  

I would just like to say I'm thankful for my boyfriend, my little brothers & sisters, my grandma, and my friends.  Without these people I acknowledge I wouldn't be the person I am today.  Last night when we were driving back up, we talked about our childhood.  It is really weird how Ty did many things that my cousin were forced to do.  I grew up spoiled and did only the things I wanted to do.  My grandparents never really forced me to do things,  they just let me do the things I wanted to do.  My other cousins did everything that I didn't do.  I really appreciate my grandparents, they made me strong.  Screw you all who talk about them! 

Anyhow, yeah.  Next week I start my next semester at San Juan college. 

Thanks for reading!

 Sincerely,

~BINX~

Hey,

Well, this has been like the longest time that I have not written in this blog.  Anyhow, hmm...today is December 5, 2006.  I am sitting in the library at San Juan College.  I am here with nothing to do but just sit here.  Today is a really good day.  I could feel it.  The sun is out but it is still cold.  Times have been sad for me lately, I've not been able to do some things right.  At times it feels like our lives, my boyfriend and I are out in the open and everyone does things for us; in our decisions.  I just want to get away from all of these negitivity and make a life else where for ourselves.  I am going to be 20 on April 20th, and him 21 on May 19.  It is hard to believe we kept this relationship going for over 2 years. I am really happy to say, I am in love and going to marry the person I love.  No one can change that.  I love him more than anything.  I would do anything he askes me to do, no matter what it is.  He makes me so happy and I enjoy every minute I spend with him.  I can't imagine a life where he isnt' there.  I have thought of some questions asking "What if I didn't sit by him?", and he said "What if I didn't take that class?".  Those are questions that go to the root of our relationship.  I sat by him in a class where we got to know one another and fell in love.  It is was hard to tell each other our feelings for a long time, until we both realized we loved one another!  That is our root, we were great friends long before we ever got together.  He gave me a ring then, and also now...promising me he'll marry me. 

I'm really happy to be with him, but there are some things that aren't going with what I want, such as...I'm unhappy about things of acceptence.   I know I will NEVER get accepted where I want to be, it is not going to happen because the REAL me is not known.  Everyone I know I'm known as a happy girl, who puts smiles on peoples faces, everyone knows me to be a good girl would not make anyone mad.  I am just seen as the total opposite, I'm seen as a bad person who destroys life!  Why is that?  I want to know, but I will never find the answers because "others" are the people who have said those things about me.  I have met people since I've been with Ty who have complimented him for my beauty and saying "She is a good person".  No one acknowledges that.  It is hard to understand that....I just have questions of WHY?  Why can't people just accept our decision in being together and accept the fact that I'll always be there for him. 

The weird thing, is this blog entry will be read by those I'm talking about.  Then they will use it against me saying "You said this...and it is me your talking about."  I really don't care if you read this...maybe if you read everything I wrote from the beginning you'll see that there are some entries about the person I'm with now, everything between the lines is about him, and how things are for me.  If I was messing around and thought this relationship to be just "puppy love" it wouldn't have lasted this long.  It just is heart breaking that my feelings are noticed, that my thoughts are acknowledged. 

Those who I consider my family; you know who you are, I'm sure you understand what I'm talking about and who because you've all heard it and told me the kind of people that are out there.  I thank you for telling me, and also understanding what I'm doing is for love and my happiness!  I have not wrote in this blog for a long time and hope you all understand my feelings and hopes/dreams.

Well, I am still attending San Juan college, it has been like forever and I'm still here doing what I need to do.  Right now I'm waiting for the semester to end, so I can get some rest, this semester has been so hard and I'm glad it is over, but I finished it through and did it well!  Alrighty then, well, I hope all is well, and thanks for reading my blog.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~BInXIeS~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I must have completely forgotten about this blog drive.  I am here at the college being a lone wolf.  It has been like the longest time I have written in here.  Wow!!  So many conserved memories on the internet open to any one who would read it but to mean no harm.  Have you been ever hurt by anyone or anything?  Sometimes it seems unreal to feel the pain someone has left upon you.  It is like a scar maybe that is what Harry Potter felt.  A scar so EVERYONE can see and say "it happen like this..." but yet again have different verisons of the truth...if you call it that.  I have always been loved by those around me, strange how that could change.  My life is good.  I enjoy myself nowadays.  It is hard sometimes but good.  I can't wait for school to start so I can enjoy myself and not worry about those around me.  Yet again, there could be a person wondering "Why did she just write 'I', 'I', and 'I'...speaking about herself.   Well, the reason is because I don't want them to know about us...LOL  So much confusion.  Ahead I have so much to look forward to.  One day someone will realize that we are gone...out of their reach and contact.  I look forward to that day.  Wishing it could come sooner.  Long ago, this person I've met told me "BEWARE PEOPLE ARE TWO-FACED" like if a warning to say "don't trust anyone".  I should have believed that...I only seem to trust only one...who is in my life 24/7...we talk about everything and travel places like we are running away.  We could run away and not look back but we turn around and come back.  Funny.  The love for someone is so precious that it could actually kill someone.  One could kill themself because a person said they didn't love them.  "LOVE"  Strange word.  The bible talks about praying for everyone including your enemies.  Well, I do.  I care so much about my enemies that I pray for them.  My enemies have hurt me so much but I pray for them.  I forgive them for the hurt they have endured me long to past.  I forgive them for making me cry.  I forgive them for everything they have done. 

Time after Time

 

I was just surfing the net and reading what the people I know have written to me or in their blogs.  It was kind of weird, but interesting. For truth be told, me and the peers I graduated with are exploring what we call life.  Some of us have it harder than one another.  Just to think a year ago I was attending high school and I never imagined I would be where I am.  I know someone who will be reading this will say “Stupid!!”  I just find it a little hard to believe.  In high school it seems so easy to keep in touch with one another because we saw each other every day.  Yeah.

It is kind of weird how parents are so emotional and cry the day you leave for college or a long journey.  I mean you grow up at home, you are along but our families are at school, to think the person you use to talk to could become your worst enemy or the guy you had a kissed on a much unexpected day could the person you choose to spend the rest of your life with. 

Why you might ask I am talking about school?  Well, we spent a fair amount of time in school with the people who watched you growàTeachers and our brothers/sisteràFriends.  Yeah, it seems like we learned about life in high school, or just enough to get out in the real world.  We experienced life; such as deceit, financial difficultly, first loves, and just the necessities to survived.  I also watched girls and boys raising families at a very young age.

 

We spent             12 years in school

                           10 months a year

                           4 weeks in a month

                           5 days out of the week

                           8 hours a day

 

With that amount of time we never really spent time with our parents, then, parents begin to wonder why they do not know their children.  Strange, but that is just a thought.

 

Yeah, anyhow, I just thought I would write a little something and say to the people I know I wish you the best of luck to experience the best in the world; I am here in school doing what I usually do.  After all, I am the one and only Binxies, I always survive like a virus or something.  I decided to write when ever I feel it is necessary to express my thoughts outwards just for fun.  Anyways, thanks to the people I know, you help raise me in high school; you kind of made me the person I am today.  I guess that is all, but it is a possible reason why we hated school so much on certain days because we spent so much time there.  Very hilarious, after all, that is where we met the people we could know for the rest of your lives. 

Today in my Native American class we discussed the stories of mythologies.   How is it when you discuss Native American mythologies of where we call came from they all root together.  It was pretty interesting.

 

Anyhow, that was cool.  That is my only class today and now I'm just here on the computer.  It is nice…I've been doing well for the last couple of weeks.  I managed to get back on my feet once again and take a stab of what they call "Life" …now say  "Ohhh!"

 

Yes, sir…Bob…

 

But I'm doing swell, back in school…and kicking ass as usual.  You know me.  Well, that is just a little something since I last wrote an entry. 

 

Thank you,

Binxies

Today is just one of them days that I have to get by.  At times I don't know what to do...and now I feel like that...I kind of said some wrong things...and it didn't come out right.  There are many things I want...but I don't know...school...well, school sucks...my family...hmm...I don't know....right now...my friends...I haven't seen any of them in a long time...and my boyfriend...I love him...Eariler I just got so irritated and put some things and said them the wrong way....I didn't mean to...Yeah...Blah!!

Anyhow...my life is boring...too much drama...I just feel...blah...I want to give up on things...just want to say the heck with it...and just leave everything alone....yeah...well, I guess it is just one of them days...so, just get back at me....

Binxies

 

Why is it when you love someone so much it hurts so much?  At times I can’t seem to understand this question.  Yeah, well, I’m here at a different location writing in my blog…finally.  I’m here being the dumb that I am…LOL  I’m now just giving a person a hard time, whom I don’t mean to hurt at all.  Yeah, life is going good…I guess.  Things are good…I just feel like I’ve lost something…but yet relieved because I’m young and many more to come.  Yeah, strange a thought, when you think about how much life matters and who you spend it with.  These last couples of weeks have been very interesting.  I’ve experienced many things…and I enjoy it.  I love being where I am…not for a split second I would take anything back or end it.  It is too much fun, love it, don’t want to get hurt, will miss it greatly, and sorry to put things harder than it already is.  At times I have reasonable doubts because I wonder how it would be if I wasn’t there?  Who would be there in my place?  That question taunts my mind…even more so since Monday when I cried because I felt betrayed…maybe it is even now…not that I want to get even…doing what I did Saturday.  I didn’t not intently do it…I really didn’t…I just wanted to find the truth of being.  I am truly sorry to whom I have hurt…I just want to make things much better but it just gets harder.  I know I said, “No one told said it would be easy.”  What if it was?  How would it be?  Would life run though without complications?  Would life be simple and boring?  Would life be dull and stupid?  Would feel like there is no intent of living?  I think so…but yeah, I’m sorry for making it harder…things can be a bitch at times…but I will always be there…I know I have everything at stake…everything…I don’t want to lose ANYTHING…LOL...Slinky is good, the candy is great….and the squirrel always waits….LOL  Yeah, but I feel hurt knowing I can but a person though so much despair…I’m sorry…

Well, I'm sorry I haven't updated in a really long time...like two whole months...since then...life is good...somewhat interesting...and many new beginnings....yeah, I hope all of my friends are doing their best to make things happen for themselves...Like someone in Iowa...yeah, well, hmm...so, what is new?  There are many things new...but...just waiting for the moments to understand the things....I don't know what I just said...but yeah, hmm...so, I guess that is all...I promise I write another entrie...more interesting...in about three weeks time...j/k...well, soon...yeah...